& just like that the six weeks were over..

I actually cannot believe how quick they went. I don’t want them to go back to school, i feel like they haven’t been off long enough. Don’t get me wrong, not all days have been great but they haven’t been god awful either.

Maybe it helped because we had two weeks in Spain so it kind of broke them up a bit? I must admit though, the kids have had enough of each other now. They’re used to their routine and having their days apart.

Kellan is so excited about going back into year two, i can’t quite believe he is in year 2 already. It only feels like yesterday i wrote my blog about him starting in reception. I’ve laid his uniform out, his PE bag and school bag are by the door and his lunchbox is packed. I wish i had his excitement, but i don’t. I feel sad, anxious and feel like i’ve lost him that little bit more as he has grown up. That’s what scares me, I feel like he is slipping through my fingers. Dramatic too much? or do people feel like that aswell?

Then, to top it off, Grayson starts reception on Friday. Both of them at full time school. I don’t think my heart will cope. My little dudes both at school.

It was cute, they both chose their own shoes at Clarkes, Kellan’s i’m not to keen on but I had to let it go, he is old enough and entitled to choose his own shoes, but AGAIN, it’s another sign that he is growing up.

*sigh*

anyway, good luck to your new starters/returnees this week. We can get through it xx

Turning 30.

Hey everyone!

First question, how have you found the six weeks holidays? not going to lie, i’ve had days where i have struggled to entertain the little monkeys but i am so sad that they’re going back to school, and also that my youngest baby is starting big school on Friday.

What have you been upto? let me know!

 

Okay, so on Friday i turned the big, dirty thirty. Not going to lie, i wasn’t looking forward to it at all. The thought of turning thirty was so daunting. I am the last out of most of my friends to turn thirty so that made me feel a bit better.

Anyway, i woke Friday and felt okay, i could do this. It’s only a number right? i big bloody number at that, but just a number. Dan had arranged a surprise family day out which i asked for so i was really looking forward to that. The kids wanted me to open my presents that i had sent Dan out to let them choose anything they wanted, and to be honest as much as Dan was a bit reluctant he really enjoyed it and the kids did really well with their present choices!

So yea, we went for our family day out which was lovely. We went to Maldon Promenade Park, it was a fun day!

Then yesterday (31.08) it was also our first wedding anniversary, i can’t get over how quick that has gone either. But, another surprise was arranged. He arranged for us to go to Mad Hatters Tea Room, Southend (i didn’t have a clue until i walked through the door and our friends and family were there shouting surprise) i was so overwhelmed that i cried. Full on cried.

Now, I woke very emotional yesterday. I’m not sure if it was the realisation of being thirty, the thought that it was over or the pregnancy hormones. But i sobbed quite alot that day, and over the silliest things tbh. My youngest brother told me he was coming over in the morning, well he got caught up and was on birthday surprise #2 mission balloons that he didn’t come over. So i cried in my shower. Like a brat, because he didn’t come to see me. It didn’t help that my mum and dad were in Spain and for some reason, i was so adamant that they were going to surprise me by flying home early to see me. I was just a bit all over the place to be honest.

So yea, apart from some meltdowns throughout the day of me being 30 and 1 day, i wanted to know how you all reacted to turning thirty? did you get emotional? or did you just sail through it like a breeze.

Let me know, i would love to hear if it was just me that was a wet flannel.

Hope you are all okay xx

 

 

 

 

Hello.. it’s me

Hey!

I am sorry I’ve been quiet and non existent. I’ve been on a sabbatical, focusing more on work, being a mum and following a dream of writing a book.

I am currently on my fourth book, hoping to have it finished before November if my brain lets me and my creative juices keep flowing! I wrote my first book and self published it last May which has been amazing, I then went on to finish the series with the third book being released earlier this year.

I’m not sure what type of genre the book falls under but it’s a rom/com with some angst, sex, quite a bit of sex tbh (sorry mum) and some drama as the series unfolds because, come on, who doesn’t love a bit of drama!? i wouldn’t say fifty shades level, but not this man level either. Somewhere slotted in-between.

I’m currently sitting round the pool in Spain at my mums. We’re having a nice chilled two week holiday, the last holiday of the year.

I was planning on being out here for most of the six weeks;

1. Because it’s easier here than at home

2. The kids are happier than when in England

3. It would be our first wedding anniversary 31st August and seeing as we got married here it just made sense to see our anniversary in here too.

4. Also, it’ll be my 30th out here the day before our anniversary. So why not go out and have a massive month long celebration!?

But, a little something came up that stopped them plans.

A little something called a baby.

We had been toying with a third for a while, but we just wasn’t sure. Grayson would be starting school this sept, Kellan is well into his school years and I could have gone back to work. (And tbh, the kids were so easy now. They slept through, they played independently, I could have a hangover and still parent as I felt they weren’t so dependant on me).

Me and Dan sat and had a chat one weekend in March after being on a weekend away with my friends. We said we would give it till my 30th and if I hadn’t fallen then we would leave it and just accept that two boys were more than enough and how blessed we were to have conceived and carried two babies. But, this little one had different plans. I found out the weekend after our chat that I was pregnant. It was a shock but not a surprise because deep down we both wanted it but didn’t want to commit to both agreeing to ‘try’.

We have 12 weeks left; 12 weeks till my planned section and it’s going way too fast for my liking. The first 15 weeks were hell, I was nauseous all the time, went off meat completely and trying to do the school run while thinking the whole time to myself ‘please don’t be sick please don’t be sick’. I was exhausted constantly, trying to keep two humans alive and grow a baby was hard work. My evenings were spent moaning to dan about how rough I felt or how tired I was. Luckily I wasn’t sick, not even once but my god I felt horrendous. I’m still not back on red meat, the thought makes my stomach turn. I’m hoping it comes back once little miss is here but I’m scared it won’t!

I’ve had odd cravings with this one, sniffing mustard (have refrained from this since Dan walked in and looked at me in full sniff, resulting in me burning both nostrils pretty bloody bad), strawberries, cheese, all the cheese, piccalilli and beer. What a combo for terrible heartburn.

I am sorry I have been so crap at blogging lately but I’ve been so busy with my writing and growing a human that blogging unfortunately has been in the bottom of my list.

I hope you have all been okay, I promise I’m back 🤪

If you want to take a look at my books they’re on amazon, or you can follow my FB / Instagram page;

http://www.facebook.com/ashleerauthor

Www.instagram.com/ashleeroseauthor

Speak soon xx

Psycho Mother

do you know what I am sick of? I am sick of having to turn into that psycho mother who has to literally lose her shit before my kids will listen to me. Every morning without fail i have to call my kids up the stairs about five times, which ends in me literally screaming at the top of my lungs before they actually do it.

I see these mums literally breezing it through motherhood and I sit there and think – what the fuck?

I know they probably lose it behind closed doors but I sometimes can’t see it. If anyone can shed some light how to be more Mary Poppings like then please let me know.

I try talking quietly, i try talking firmly, i try whispering, i try shouting and it still doesn’t work. I stress myself out to the point my stomach hurts, like so bad. I need to take a good breather otherwise i think i would reach for the wine.

The boys are now at an age where they constantly wind each other up, more so Grayson to Kellan believe it or not. Grayson is three. He winds his brother up something chronic. It is actually ridiculous. Is this just boys? can i expect this until early adulthood? Because, being honest, i don’t know how i will cope. They are each others throats so much.

It started October half term, which i thought they would be fine once they were back at school/nursery but nope. I just don’t get why it has started.

I don’t know if I am ready for this next step in parenting. There was me thinking i wanted a third baby, you know what? I don’t. I don’t think i would mentally or emotionally cope with another..

 

If you have children that bicker and wind each other up please send me some tips because i feel like i am going to lose the will. This is a battle i don’t think i will win. This is a parenting fail as i don’t know how to deal with it!

Finding Balance.

Hey!

I feel shattered tonight. I haven’t long sat down since 8am this morning. I am back to work at the moment five days a week 9-2:15, not going to lie, it is a bit of a shock to the system.

Trying to get the boys and me in a routine with school, work and housework. I have found if i try and tidy as much as i can in the morning then throw a wash on as i leave, by the time i get home i throw the wash in the dryer, hoover, polish and clean bathrooms. I need to mop floors but at the moment it’s pointless because the weather is so dyer.

I then do their dinner, get them ready for bed and now i’m cooking mine and dan’s dinner. I’m sure i will get there but i haven’t worked full time since Kellan was born. It is only till Feb at the moment, going to see how the hours work for me and my bosses.

I am super organised with christmas though, all my shopping is done !! how are you all getting on?

Got that bastard elf back as of Saturday, wish i never started the bloody thing. We are out for a santa day on Saturday so i blog about it all as it seems like it is going to be a great day!

I thought the kids would be on wind down mode seeing as its twenty-to seven but nope. They are jumping and dancing around and as always not listening to me.. it’s exhausting. I don’t know if it’s having two boys or what but I am finding this stage really hard atm. I think they are so overtired and stimulated from school that they go into meltdown mode by this time. I am waiting for Dan to get home and he can do bedtime tonight, hopefully he has wine..

If anyone has any tips on balance with a five day a week job, kids and housework hit me up because i would love some tips!!

In other news, i am going to write a book in the new year which will include some of my blogs and views etc. on how i feel about parenting. If anyone has any input or would like some of their tips featured the comment below, message me on instagram (justamummy_x) or over on my Facebook again (facebook.com/justamummy15)

Not an overly exciting blog, so sorry about that.

Please also don’t forget that I am in the running for the UK Blog Awards. I am under Parent and Baby, page 4 – Just a Mummy.

One vote per person, all you have to do is click the HEART next to my name. It closes on 24th December! Link is on my previous posts, if you can’t find it then comment and i will paste it. Thanks dolls ❤

How depressing that this time next month Christmas will be over.. i am such a miserable bitch.. must be the weather !!!!

Caesarean over natural?

well hello, it’s been a while.

I’ll be honest we have been super busy. What with the six weeks holiday, our month in Spain, writing a book oh, and getting married.

We are finally settling back into our routine and the swing of everything. K has just started year one, and G is in he’s second year of nursery.


 

Now, blog topic. This topic comes up quite a lot.

I don’t understand how people think a c-section is an easy way out, or, if they had a choice of section and natural a section would win all day long.

These people have never had sections. Now, i am eternally grateful that my two boys were bought into the world safely, and yes, by caesarean. K was an emergency after 39.5 hours of labour, G was planned as per my consultant.

These are some of the things I get told why a section is better than natural:

  1. your vagina stays the same

in my case, false. My vagina definitely isn’t the same. I laboured with K for hours, they tried every method to get that chunk out which also resulted in being cut and stitched down below. double whammy. 

2. you don’t piss yourself while jumping on a trampoline

that is true, in my case. I may dribble sometimes when i laugh, but i don’t piss myself. 

3. you can poo after c-section without any issues

nope. both times i had to take lactulose because I couldn’t poo, it’s not just vaginal births that have this. 

4. at least you can rest while everyone runs around for you

Oh yea, it’s fantastic being laid up for a few days/weeks because you have had major surgery which entails them cutting through layers of skin while they try not to cut your bladder/bowl or catch your baby. 

 

you get the jist right? yes, in someway it might seem the ‘easy way out’ but i would have loved to have had a natural birth but i didn’t, it is what it is. Just I was having a conversation on holiday about Natural VS. Section and it just angers me on people’s perspectives. I haven’t been through natural, they haven’t been through sections, we can only have our opinions.

 

Anyway.. I hope you are all ok.

I promise it won’t be so long next time

 

A x

 

Consent to change your child’s nappy..

Ok, sorry, but what the actual fuck is this ‘expert’ going on about?? A baby needs to give consent for you to change their nappies?!

Mummy: ‘Oh, Hi little newborn baby, can mummy change your nappy? you seem to have had a poo explosion’

Newborn: ‘No, I would like to roll around in my own poo’

Mummy: ‘Ok then, have fun kid’


 

Like seriously?!? come on, what the bloody hell is going on. I’m all for moving with the times and that, but this is just ridiculous, even worse than celebrities branding their children as ‘it’s’ as they don’t want to confuse them into what gender they are!!!

Do you agree with this? I am still gobsmacked by the stupidity of it if I’m honest

 

Let me know your thoughts

A x

Let me fill you in…

First off, let me apologise for the lack of blogs… honestly, I haven’t known my arse from my elbow. What with getting back into the swing of school, birthdays and illnesses it has been one thing after another.

Grayson has tonsillitis, he got antibiotics for it yesterday on his birthday. Two out of he’s three birthday’s he has had it, poor little love. I felt so sad for him yesterday, we didn’t go to the zoo like we planned, we popped to the airport to watch the planes for an hour but he just wanted to come home. To top it off, Kellan is unwell with a cough and temperature, so he was home today.

It has been a long day. I wouldn’t send my kids in ill, but bloody hell. I am exhausted. My house looks like a fucking tip, physically cannot keep on top of it with them two around. Not quite sure how I managed to do it when they were both home !

I will bring you upto speed with whats been happening in my quiet time:

  1. I’ve written a book. An actual book. I am going to be self publishing and I am just in the last stages of that. I think it is referred to as a ChicLit with a bit of naughtiness.
  2. I get married in three months and we are no closer to knowing what is actually going on as the woman we deal with doesn’t seem to have a urgent bone in her body. Myself and the wedding planner are getting extremely cheesed off.
  3. I done a interview for an irish radio station about one of my blogs (yes, it was a few months ago) (yes, i am still reeling from it)

So yea, if you are interested in my book, let me know and I can send you the instagram link where you can keep upto date with it. The book will be going as an eBook first, if it does well, I will then publish it.

I have just drunk an amazing bottle of wine called Narat Zitz Rogg, it was a birthday present for Dan, but I cannot seem to find it anywhere – if you have seen it on your travels, please let me know as I am worried I will drink the rest of the bottle tonight and leave none for Dan. Talking of wine, if you are a fan of rose but don’t like it too sweet, you need to get yourself a bottle of Mirabeau. Oh my god. It is absoloutley fantastic. I heard about the wine through a lady I follow on insta called (Ultimategirlgang – go follow her, amazing) also (go follow blissfully_winging_it – also amazing) anyway, so yes, I came across Mirabeau wine because of Liv. It is a dry rose (didn’t even know you could get dry rose) but so refreshing and delicious. It is the perfect wine for a garden party/BBQ/all night drinking because it is so light, so you never feel full of wine or bloated.

Please hit me with your 5* suncreams please, ambre solaire is brining my two up and only has 3*’s which is crap!!

 

Sorry for the long rant, I hope you are all ok. I won’t leave it so long next time, I promise xx

New Year New Me.. or something like that..

Hello!!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I hope Santa bought you everything you wished for. We all had a wonderful break, apart from spending most of my Boxing Day on the Loo because of a bad IBS flare up, I still had a wonderful day. It’s all gone a bit too quick for my liking, I get a bit sad once Christmas is over. All the hype, the organising and preparing and the food, don’t forget the food. My tree is coming down tonight, makes me sad keep looking at it.

Now, I normally make the same old resolutions: lose weight, go to the gym, eat healthy blah blah blah. I normally kerb them about three/four weeks into January. I like my food too much.

This year, I am starting something new, something fresh – these are my resolutions:

  • Lose weight (yes, this one is here, again! but I do have a rather beautiful wedding gown that I need to fit my fat arse into in August, so yes, I do need to lose some weight)
  • Be more positive. (I am a very negative person, I outweigh the negatives to the positives and I am also very pessimistic)
  • Don’t sweat over the little things (like losing my shit because my children won’t put their shoes on after the 100th time of asking)
  • Try to relax and be more calming (I’m a anxious, sweaty mess 99.5% of the time)
  • Let my children be children (now, this might to some of you, seem like a silly resolution, but to me its not. Like I have said above ^^ I sweat and stress over the little things, I get anxious because their toys are everywhere, they’re loud, they’re destructive, but most importantly, they’re kids, and occasionally, I forget that. I’m just getting real here, my anxiety plays me up, it makes me a mess. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, no. But I do struggle with some things on a daily basis. I don’t want to look back in years to come and feel like my children missed out because of how I am. So yea, this is a BIG one for me. My OCD needs to back the fuck down and let me enjoy every moment of this joyous ride that is children)

 

Anyway, me and Dan are staying home on NYE’s because, lets be honest, taking your kids out and keeping them up at Midnight, or letting them flake and fall asleep anywhere for your own selfish doing is not fair. Yes, I did let them stay up for Christmas day as we were at families, but that’s different.

I don’t overly enjoy NYE, not because I have had a bad year, I just think it is an overpriced evening to go out and get drunk, when lets be honest, I can do that from the comfort of my own home, with my wonderful Daniel and watch the London fireworks on TV. #winning

We have made plans with some of our parent friends to go for a “brisk”, and I mean “brisk” walk, then head to the pub for a few drinks while the kids play just to wish everyone a Happy New Year, then we will go home, order a takeaway, get our Jim Jams on, pop a bottle and see the New Year in with a bang (tut, all you dirty minded people)

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year, and I hope 2018 brings health and happiness to you and your families.

Lots of Love X

 

Swear Words.. 

Today has been a long day. 

Kellan swore 3 times, he said: oh fuck, piss off and it’s all bollocks (just incase you were wondering what he said) he was told off, then he carried on to tell me that Daddy said Oh fuck when he hurt his finger in the garage yesterday. 🤦🏼‍♀️. 
We (..I) decided sort the toy room and thought it would be nice to do it together. No. The kids were throwing stuff in the bin and started getting attached to toys they hasn’t played with in months; pointless. Anyway, i done it. 
My sister in law and my nieces and nephews came over. Kids go into overdrive – it was mental. Treated the kids to dominos while they were watching boss baby. Peace and quiet for 20 minutes. 
Perfection.

After a while the kids were refuelled on junk we heard bang bang scream bang. Grayson had slid down the stairs too fast on his bum, scared himself, screamed then sobbed. After a mummy cuddle he then spent the next 10 minutes explaining to me and Billie in his own language about how he went down the stairs. 
By 7pm the kids have gone into full blown carnage mode. My work phone was ringing non stop, the kids were screaming, my brother and his girls friend arrived kids went from 100 to 250 in seconds. 
Anyway, kids are asleep, just fought with the dog to get his poxy ear drops in. After everyone went, I walked over to my favourite cupboard. The wine cupboard. I was getting excited about the thought of a large glass of wine, sitting in my living room all relaxed. I opened the cupboard and stared. Stared so fucking hard thinking my eyes were playing tricks on me. There was no wine. Nada.
Fuck. 
So here I am sitting at my kitchen table with a manky bottle of Pepsi. Winning.