Mummy misses you..

Half term is over. I’m gutted. I love having my boys at home with me, obviously I have my moments with them. Who don’t?

Just sitting down now watching Celebs Go Dating and having a bit of chill time before bed.

I had a few things planned but unfortunately me being struck with flu ruined that for us. Just as I was coming down with it, Kellan was up in agony screaming with ear ache. Finally got him to the doctors and another dose of antibiotics. After a few days he was back to himself, but unfortunately mummy wasn’t.

We had a kid free night on Saturday, so we had a well needed rest and a nice little snooze on Sunday. Mum told me she was going to take the kids London with her and Dad on Sunday, they were gone all day. It felt really weird, the first couple of hours was lovely, we got up, had breakfast, took the dog for the walk and then we got home and was like, erm what do we do now.

Before having kids we would of filled our days doing nothing, but now we feel lost. I couldn’t wait to get them back. By the time they got home, I bathed them at my mums and then put them in the car. Literally, within 5 minutes they were both asleep.

Woke up this morning, then the usual school rush kicked in, where I was getting myself in a state trying to get them out the door at 8am. They then went into school, I came home to do my housework and I just sat there and thought “ahh, I miss my little mates”. I hadn’t spent no time with them this weekend, I’m always with them. They hardly have sleepovers anymore now my mum flits from Spain and UK, so we’ve had a few attempts in the past couple of months where Kellan has wanted to come home. So, not going to lie we did think that the kids would be back home by 11pm, but they surprised us and stayed all night and slept from 8-6:30. Lucky mum and dad.

I’m not one of these mums that love it when their kids are away for the night, don’t get me wrong, I like getting into my bed knowing that I’m not going to be awoken at 5am, but I do miss the little footsteps coming down the hallway and sneaking into our bed for a cheeky snuggle at 1am. The shouting out for mummy from Grayson at his baby gate first thing in the morning. The teddy tired eyes and bed head, and then, their smell. I woke up Sunday and me and Dan both agreed the house just didn’t feel like home without them. It was empty. Lonely.

Our house is a hectic mess 99.9% of the time, I stress and faff when the kids don’t listen to me, I do sometimes become shouty mum, because some days I just can’t quite keep myself together (I am human after all),the kids fight and argue and decide they both want to play with the same toys. But then, we also have love and cuddles and sloppy kisses, playtime and fun, giggles and calmness. My home is my favourite place because of these moments.

I love having my boys with me, I miss them as soon as they leave. I even miss them when I’m on a night out and I know they are at home with Dan, I can’t wait to get back to them.  I am taking a new approach and trying to take everyday as it comes and to appreciate them and the little things that happen, because this time really does go too quick. I just don’t want to look back and think “what the fuck was you doing?”. I don’t want to miss out on anything to do with our princes.

Now, I’m off to tuck them in for the night and give them their little kisses on their foreheads and wish them sweet dreams and a good night.

They are my everything, even when they make me turn into shouty mum.

 

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Sick Day Guilt

Dan’s just come home from work and taken the kids to Tesco. The house is silent. I feel really bad as the last three days I’ve been ill. Not just a sniffle, like really ill. I think I’ve been hit by the flu. I’m actually feeling a bit more human this afternoon, apart from the hot flushes that keep waving over me. It means the kids have missed out on fun because of me being sick. Normally I can shake it and get on with it, but this one, nope.

It’s hard, when your kids are ill you are with them constantly soothing them and making sure they are ok. When your husband is ill you look after them. When your ill, your husband is at work, you have kids and you still have to be mum. I feel so guilty just wanting peace and quiet so I can rest and sleep.

I can’t help but feel like I have failed them as a mum for taking a sick day, well a sick couple of hours. I feel like it’s as if I’m not allowed to be ill. Yesterday they had their Kindle Fires and run around naked. I didn’t have the energy to get myself dressed, let alone them. Luckily my mum came over, helped with the housework and played with the kids while I got my head down for an hour.

Today I managed to get them out, only to my mums, but it still got them out. They had so much fun, and watching them play in the garden with each other and giggle and run around made my day. Their little smiles was the only medicine I needed today.

Now I am sitting here alone, in silence. The guilt slowly lifting. We don’t have to feel guilty for having sick days. We are human, it happens. We are so hard on ourselves as mums, we are always trying to do everything perfect. Well every day isn’t going to be perfect, everyone has to rest and take a sick day every now and again. That’s what I’ve done, taken some time to recharge and get better.

Remember, even God had to throw a rest day into his creation.

One day at a time.

Hope you have all had a lovely half term X

 

Tea & Toast..

Why oh why does Tea and Toast make us feel so much better? Is it just a british thing? What’s the first thing they give you after giving birth? Tea and bloody toast! and, lets be honest, it’s the bloody best tea and toast you have ever eaten!

I have just had some, after three exhausting nights with Kellan it was needed, except I switched the tea for coffee as I just didn’t think tea was going to cut it this morning. Dan has set me strict dieting and exercising tips as I need to motivation, obviously the thought of having to get into my wedding dress isn’t enough for me.. (that wasn’t being sarcastic, that is a true fact!)  He said no sugar and milk in your tea or coffee, well sorry Daniel, but I have a wonderful milky coffee with a massive teaspoon worth of sugar. Mama needs it.

First off, we are super proud of our Grayson. He is absolutely smashing his potty training. A couple of weeks back you will remember me saying he decided to go on the loo before the bath all by himself. I didn’t push him after this as I learned this was not the way to do it when I was going through this with Kellan. A few days after this, he stripped off naked and went on his potty, we are now two weeks in and the kid hasn’t looked back. We had a few accidents while he was at pre-school, but apart from that the kid goes on the potty/toilet whenever he needs to. He even poo’s fine!! Even his pre-school teachers are amazed at how well and quick he has picked this up. His not had an accident in a week, a week after deciding to go on the potty! I am just so so proud of him, he really is growing up. It’s annoying as two days before he decided to venture to the potty I bought a bulk of nappies for £10. These nappies haven’t even been used. Typical! His even dry at night.. he wakes up first thing and asks to go a wee. Grayson really is smashing it, I am just so, so proud.

& bless him in his little pants, his so little it just looks super cute.

Now, this is where I need help. My darling 4.5 year old has decided that sleep is overrated, obviously. (don’t worry I am remembering all of this, so when he comes home drunk at 18, I will be climbing into his bed and waking him up throughout the night and finally, at 5am).

He has always been the worst sleeper out of my two. He didn’t sleep through until he was about 20-21 months when his little brother come along. He finds it hard to settle, he fidgets, he has bad dreams, and recently, we think his having night terrors. Now we try our hardest to let him have his calm time before bed, and strictly no tablets or TV programmes or films that will trigger his over sensitive and imaginative mind. He wakes up screaming and crying and we just can’t seem to bring him out of this state. Once his calmed down he falls back to sleep peacefully and forgets what has happened. The past two nights he hasn’t had night terrors, he has just been up, every. single. hour. He comes walking down the hallway, wide awake and getting into our bed. Mombie gets up and puts him back and tells him he has to stay in his own bed, we then have tears. This has been repeated about 20 times in the last two days, and to be honest, I am fucking exhausted.

He has a very over active mind, and once over stimulated we seem to struggle to get him settled.

I just need some advise, as I can’t have another night of bad sleep. I still have two school runs before half term (It can’t come soon enough) – so please, mums, dad’s – hit me with your suggestions.

oh, and also – Kellan has his first dentist work tonight as he has a hole in his tooth. This is the kid who hardly has sweets, he doesn’t have juice (unless it’s a treat) and only has water. So please, keep me in your thoughts while the dentist is trying to put all sorts of metal objects in his mouth.

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Photo Credit: Google, Etsy. 

Realisation

I have been staring at this blank page for days, not having a clue what to write about. My mind is blank, I can’t think of anything to write.

After sitting here, racking my brain, I decided to do what I do best.

Just write.

Write about what comes into my mind: let’s see what happens.



 

As you all know, I have two boys. Perfect, loving, sometimes grumpy boys. They are my everything. I love them in ways I didn’t even know was possible. Now, I’m not going to lie, I was 99% sure that Grayson was a girl. I was team yellow with both of mine, loved the surprise. I was not ready for the surprise of being told that Grayson was a boy after he was born, another little boy.

After a few days (maybe weeks..) it hit me, that I would never have a little girl. The mums best friend, mother of the bride, getting them ready for prom, disney films, mum and daughter days. It hit me hard. We always said two children (even though recently we have discussed a third – still weighing up pros and cons, and at the moment I have more cons then pros!)

So with that thought in mind, I started thinking that one day they won’t need their mum anymore. They need me now, they need me to kiss their booboo’s, they need me to wipe away their tears, they need me to tuck them in at night, they need me to dress them, feed them, look after them and to tell them how proud I am of them and how loved they are, forever and always, to infinity and beyond and of course, to the moon and back. I take care of them now, they need me. No one else.

I teach them to be compassionate, loving, friendly and courteous. I teach them to run with their imagination, follow their dreams and never give up. I cherish their cuddles and kisses and little snuggles of a morning, because one day, their girlfriend will replace me in my role. The kisses will stop, so will the cuddles and the excitement to tell me what has happened in my day. Instead of telling me, they will be telling their girlfriend.

Again, that’s when it hit me. My partner see’s his mum once a week, I don’t want to become that mum sitting there looking out the window or waiting by the phone so I can hear their voices when they have a spare minute in their busy schedule.

The following quote goes through my head, every. single. day.

“A son is a son ’til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”

I sit there and wonder if they would treat their girlfriends with the love and respect they give me? Will their girlfriends love them as much as I do?

I don’t want to be the mum who see’s their son once a week, or once every two weeks. I want them to come home, to be able to bring their girlfriends home and feel comfortable with me. I want them to still be able to give me a kiss on my cheek and call me with their news, I’m scared to lose them to their future partners, because lets face it, it will happen.

I don’t want to be a monster in law, even though I probably will be – no one will ever be good enough for my sons, will they? It will be a bitter sweet moment, one I think about a hell of a lot.

It broke my heart when my eldest started school, even then I could feel him slipping through my fingers. The reality is, one day, I am going to have to let go. It’s life.

Until then, I will love them boys fiercely and teach them as well as I can to be the best they can and enjoy every single mummy moment. The sloppy kisses, the warm snuggles and the sneaking into our bed of an evening.

& even though we never had a girl, we still get to watch disney films, I will be mother of the groom, I will get my son’s ready for prom, have our mum and son days, and I will always be their best friends (whether they want me to be or not) it’s just the expectation and society that makes you feel like you can only do these things with daughters. When in reality, we can do all of that and more.

Amazing How A Woman Should Treat Her Man Quotes treat women quotes quotesgram

I would like to hear your comments on how you feel about this? do you have only boys? how did you find letting go?

 

Breastfeeding: Expectation VS Reality

I’m just waiting for my jacket potato to cook, house is cleaned, both kids are at school. In the moment of silence I have decided to write about something that is always a hot topic in the parenting world. Breastfeeding.

Before I fell pregnant, I was 100% certain that I was going to breastfeed my child. Why wouldn’t I? After all, breast is best was a phrase I always heard.

In my antenatal classes running up to giving birth to Kellan, we attended a breast feeding class. While pregnant. With no baby. The lady was going through all these pro’s of breast feeding like how it benefits the baby, you’ll lose your baby weight and also, having sex and not falling pregnant. This was definitely looking like the right path for me. No sterilising bottles, no having to walk downstairs at 3am in the morning to make up a bottle, no colic, no wind, no reflux. Why wouldn’t anyone want to breastfeed. The snuggling in bed while they are latched on, the ever lasting bond between you and baby while you carry out the most natural thing in the world.

Fast forward to Kellan being born, not only am I now feeling like a failure because I couldn’t give birth to him as my body wouldn’t dilate past 5cm’s and even on the drip I struggled, I was then faced with our first breast feeding experience. I held my chunky 9lb baby up to me, and done everything the midwifes had showed me. Dan was sitting by my side anxiously watching me. I always remember him saying “don’t stress about it, just try, if we don’t breastfeed him there is always formula” – but in my head I’m thinking, No, I am going to breastfeed this child as that’s what he needs, it’s the best start in life for him.

After him trying to latch on and us failing miserably, I called the midwifes in. There I am, post c-section, a screaming child head butting me to find my boob and a midwifes cold hands clasped around my boob, squeezing it into the baby’s mouth. What didn’t help is that I have inverted nipples, I don’t have big boobs, they’re manageable I thought.

After what felt like hours, trying to get him to latch, he would latch for a few minutes, come off my boob and scream the house down. I still wasn’t going to give up.

Three days later, a baby that wasn’t happy, a new mummy who was exhausted and feeling like I was failing, I called the midwifes over. I wanted to go home, I wanted my baby to breastfeed, I wanted this bond that I had heard so much about. She told me that I couldn’t leave until I could competently feed my baby via breast. If I wasn’t going to, then I needed to be shown to be feeding him a bottle so they could see that I could feed him.

What a blow.

I wasn’t being lazy, I wasn’t not attempting to give the baby the best start in life, I was failing. I was failing once again at something that should come so naturally.

I just physically couldn’t do it, I had to feed my baby, so I gave in and gave him his bottle.

What gets to me, is when I see people thinking that people who don’t breast feed are lazy. Most of us don’t choose to not breast feed, there are a few of us, but it’s our decision as humans, but most of us can’t. Some of us don’t produce enough milk, but we manage to feed our babies by bottles – we all have one job, to look after and feed our babies in any way we can.

Stop judging and stereotyping breastfeeding/non-breastfeeding mums. We are all doing the best we can. We need to support each other.

Two to Three..

Before I get to the main part of my blog, I thought I would let you know what happened to me this morning. I was mortified. Kellan was unwell during the night, his had about 4 hours sleep – the whole night. He couldn’t settle, he was uncomfortable and in and out of bed. He woke up at 8, and I decided to keep him off school, he was exhausted. So I only had to get Grayson dressed, it was lovely. You don’t realise how easy it is with just one. Anyway, so me and Grayson left for the school run so he could go to nursery. We have to get there early to get a parking space, so once we are parked, I unstrap him and he comes and sits in the front with me until we have to get out. He touches everything, he climbs to and from the back of the car, he pretends to drive – he just don’t sit still.

About 8:40 I decided we should get out the car and start walking towards the nursery. I told him to stay in the car while Mummy gets his bag and coat – do you think he listened? did he fuck.

I shut the door because it was freezing, walked round the other side of the car to get his bits and the door wouldn’t open. I was like “shit” he was now sitting in the drivers seat looking all smug – I run back round to the other side of the car and noticed that not only had my son locked himself in the car, he also had the keys in there with him. So here I am at 8:45 talking in slow motion and pointing to tell Grayson to press the button on the door to unlock the car. I was panicking, he touched every button except the unlock button. Finally, 5 minutes later I was back in the car. Lesson learned, take the keys out of the car so you don’t get locked out.

Now onto my blog topic:

Lately me and my partner have been speaking about baby number 3.. Kellan is at school, Grayson is in nursery three days a week – We spoke about maybe extending our brood from two to three. Not yet though, I’ve got to fit my arse into my wedding dress in August and not being selfish, but I don’t really want to be pregnant in sweltering heat in a wedding dress. How do you know if you will cope as a mum of three?

Families of four seem to be the perfect family. No need for a bigger car, when you book a holiday the family ticket is two adults, two children, hotels etc. I’m from a family of five, so I know it works and you deal with it, but just got me thinking.

Do we really want to start from scratch? By next year, Grayson starts full time school, I can go back to work, we start to get our lives back a bit. We didn’t get a chance to baby Kellan for as long as we wanted because Grayson come along, so we seem to be babying Grayson a hell of a lot. We don’t want him to grow up. Whats triggered this topic again is because Grayson used the toilet for the first time last night, and as much as I was bursting with pride, my heart also broke a little bit. He really is growing up.

We never had the whole trying thing with either of mine, we knew we wanted a baby after the one we lost, so we just let Kellan happen, and Grayson was a pleasant surprise who we wanted, but just not as soon as he happened!

I don’t know what we want to do, I always thought we were finished, it was always going to be Me, Dan the boys and the dog, but now it seems, we are both maybe wanting a third a little bit more. Maybe it’s because the boys are growing up, and we miss them being so dependant on us.

How did you decide to take the leap from two to three if you did? Are three children a lot harder then two? I found it hard adjusting from one to two, which makes me think that it can’t be much different? Another silly thing that puts me off wanting to extend our brood is that Grayson will become the middle child and suffer from “middle child syndrome” – and don’t tell me it doesn’t exist because, I’m a middle child, and it does haha!

I’ve never had to drag my newborns out on school runs, because of them being so close we could just chill and snuggle indoors while Daddy left for work so that’s another reason that puts me off.

Let me know your thoughts. What made you make the decision to extend your family? How big is your age gap?

Comment below,

Love, A x

Soft play: Expectation VS Reality

Today I had my niece for a few hours while my brother and sister in law were at work. Normally Grayson is at nursery on a Friday, but they’re still on Christmas shut down till Monday.

I decided to save sitting in and letting them wreck my sort of tidy and clean house, I would take them to the soft play.

Now we have a few soft play places round where I live, none are particularly great, but there is a little one in the high street where I live and it’s little, cheap and most importantly, it’s clean – and they keep on top on the cleaning while you are there.

We got there about 10ish, was fairly busy already. Wasn’t too bad. Paid for the kids, got them settled and then bought myself a small coffee. Trying to cut down on the caffeine seeing as that’s all I’m fuelled by since becoming a mother to my two wonderful little pickles.

I sat and observed, dealt with some work bits on my phone, then went back to observing. Before I get judged and cut down, I do play with my children in the soft play. If I’m there on my own with Kellan or Grayson, then I will follow them around and do what they would like me to do. If they have their friends, each other or their cousins there then they would rather play with them then me, and yes, I then do sit and have a hot cup of coffee and have a little scroll and a nose through my Facebook.

Now, on my observing, I noticed the type of parents you get at a soft play:

  • The new mum – the little group of new mums, with their wonderful bundles of joy, who are only a few months old. They all sit there with their coffees and coo over their bundles and chat about their busy days and sleepless nights.

 

  • The observer (me) – if my kids have each other, or a friend at the soft play together, I tend too watch. I watch them run around until their red in the face and sweaty. I then end up watching the other kids and how their little minds and imagination must be running wild. I used to love soft play as a kid, not so much now I’m an adult, but you know, my kids enjoy it.

 

  • The hands on mum – The mums who run around with their kids and play with them, they barely have time to drink their hot drinks. They are sitting in the ball pit passing them balls and chase them around the soft play.

 

  • The sitters/groups – you have the groups of mums who sit there, their kids running wild and doing anything to get their attention while they are in deep conversation about all sorts of weird and wonderful things. I was sitting next to one of these tables today.

 

Now, I’m not a perfect mum, but when I’m at these places I try to have my eyes on my kids at all times. One of the reasons why I like this soft play I went today as it’s small enough to see where they are, at all times. Grayson and Sienna were going up and down the slide, all of a sudden there was this child who must of been no older than 18 months old. She was climbing on tables, she was disappearing into the big play area on her own, and then she was trying to climb up the slides. The same slides that my two were about to go down. So like a ninja, I noticed my two coming down, this bubba going up, so I ran and grabbed this bubs before grabbing my own son, so I could move her out of the way so she didn’t get hurt. I made sure everyone was ok, and headed back to my table.

The little’un continued to do this a few times, the mum was aware of what they were doing but didn’t do nothing about it. I gave her a little look and she said “oh yea, I saw you grab the bubba and move them before” I must of looked at her a bit dumbstruck because I didn’t know why she didn’t get up and move her away before bubs got hurt? Maybe she thought the little’un would be ok? I dunno.

Anyway, I ordered the kids lunch, the soft play just got busier and busier, more and more kids running a round – just a bit too much. We left about 12:30. Kids were tired, I wanted to sit and have five minutes of quiet time before it was time to get Kellan.

Sorry to ramble, do you enjoy soft play?

I hope you all have a lovely weekend 🙂

 

Are we good mums?

How many of you actually feel like you are a good mum? Does anyone tell you that you are a good mum?

Honestly, I think my partner has told me maybe five times in total that I’m a good mum, and that’s normally because I’ve got upset over the kids or something thats happened. I don’t think he has ever said it off his own back. (sorry if I’m wrong Dan!!)

Just tonight, we’ve had a bit of a parenting disagreement as we all do at some point in this rollercoaster ride that they call kids. We can’t always agree, and I think that has to do with me and him being bought up so differently.

Something he said to me was “you moan to me when you’ve had a bad day, that’s why I step in” – it’s true, I do moan to him, because his my partner. But that doesn’t mean that I always agree with what is said, same as he doesn’t always agree with what I say.

I do have days I feel like a complete failure, I feel like I let my kids down, I feel like I’m sometimes too hard on them for the wrong things, then too soft when maybe I needed to be a bit harder? I don’t ever see myself as a “good mum”.

I shared something on my Instagram: justamummy__x (just incase you want to follow my everyday life with my two boys) which has made me want to write this. We choose to put our children before any needs that we may need, I sometimes have days where I don’t eat because I’m seeing to them, I want to make them happy over myself and make sure I can be the best I can be, somedays are harder then ever. I know I make mistakes, I’m human. I’ve been a mum for nearly 5 years, but I still don’t know if I am doing it right. I am still learning. No one prepares you for this, you get all the antenatal classes and what to expect while you are pregnant, how to breastfeed etc, etc.

No one tells you this part, the days where you don’t know how much more you can give, how much longer you can go on the broken sleep and the days where you don’t know if you’ve done enough – but we all need to be reminded sometimes, that we can carry on, we can get through these hard days. Every mum feels like they have failed (at least once a week) but we are all still learning. Please remember that.

Us mums need to be easy on ourselves, we are all doing a fantastic job, to our children we are perfect. They always look up to their mama’s.

so, I wrote this little message to myself:

I just like to sometimes remind myself that I’m doing ok and I’m not a total failure as a mum.

Because let’s be honest, it only takes one thing to make you think you’ve mucked it up, but I’m a good mum – how do I know?

My kids show me 

& one more thing,

YOU ARE A GOOD MUM.

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Good Cop, Bad Cop..

I don’t know if you have this in your family, but in mine there is a good cop and a bad cop. I am the good cop, my partner is the bad cop unfortunately.

I’m with the kids everyday, they don’t listen to me, I’m trying not to raise my voice (new year resolution and all that) so now I have to threaten them with time outs, no tablet time and Father Christmas coming back to get their new toys.

To be honest, yesterday they were really good until it got to about 5ish, just as Daddy was getting ready to walk through the door. They were mucking about not eating their dinner, running up and down like lunatics with the dog and throwing everything in site and just constantly ignoring me.

It got to about 6:30 and I decided, that we need to get back into the swing of the school runs so they could have an early night. I made a little deal that they could watch the TV in Kellan’s room for half an hour before bed time. While they were a bed I decided to do my workout DVD, Dan was in the garage on the running machine. The kids were running up and down the hallway, throwing Kellan’s teddy’s off the bed, jumping up and down on the bed. I was up the stairs three times, warning them, that if they carried on and I had to come up the stairs one more time, they were going a bed, end of. But obviously, they didn’t listen.

I then decided to ignore them and get on with my DVD because by this point I was pushed to my limit. That’s when Dan walked in. I hadn’t realised but the kids had knocked all my clean and folded washing down the stairs. They got told off, TV turned off and put to bed.

Yes, I should of turned the TV off the first time I went up there, but I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt – but I should of known they wouldn’t of listened to me.

As always, once Daddy tells them off they want Mummy. I feel bad, Dan gets upset with himself as I’ve got myself worked up and he doesn’t like being Bad Cop with the kids. After about 10-15 minutes we have all calmed down, the kids have apologised, we have kissed them goodnight and told them we love them. They go to sleep smiling, forgetting about their telling off.

The reasoning for this blog is I wondered who is the Good Cop/Bad Cop in your family? Do you have something like that? Poor Dan is ALWAYS the Bad Cop, even if he doesn’t want to be but he always ends up trying to rectify it because the boys walk all over me.

Let me know 🙂

A x

 

New Year New Me.. or something like that..

Hello!!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. I hope Santa bought you everything you wished for. We all had a wonderful break, apart from spending most of my Boxing Day on the Loo because of a bad IBS flare up, I still had a wonderful day. It’s all gone a bit too quick for my liking, I get a bit sad once Christmas is over. All the hype, the organising and preparing and the food, don’t forget the food. My tree is coming down tonight, makes me sad keep looking at it.

Now, I normally make the same old resolutions: lose weight, go to the gym, eat healthy blah blah blah. I normally kerb them about three/four weeks into January. I like my food too much.

This year, I am starting something new, something fresh – these are my resolutions:

  • Lose weight (yes, this one is here, again! but I do have a rather beautiful wedding gown that I need to fit my fat arse into in August, so yes, I do need to lose some weight)
  • Be more positive. (I am a very negative person, I outweigh the negatives to the positives and I am also very pessimistic)
  • Don’t sweat over the little things (like losing my shit because my children won’t put their shoes on after the 100th time of asking)
  • Try to relax and be more calming (I’m a anxious, sweaty mess 99.5% of the time)
  • Let my children be children (now, this might to some of you, seem like a silly resolution, but to me its not. Like I have said above ^^ I sweat and stress over the little things, I get anxious because their toys are everywhere, they’re loud, they’re destructive, but most importantly, they’re kids, and occasionally, I forget that. I’m just getting real here, my anxiety plays me up, it makes me a mess. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, no. But I do struggle with some things on a daily basis. I don’t want to look back in years to come and feel like my children missed out because of how I am. So yea, this is a BIG one for me. My OCD needs to back the fuck down and let me enjoy every moment of this joyous ride that is children)

 

Anyway, me and Dan are staying home on NYE’s because, lets be honest, taking your kids out and keeping them up at Midnight, or letting them flake and fall asleep anywhere for your own selfish doing is not fair. Yes, I did let them stay up for Christmas day as we were at families, but that’s different.

I don’t overly enjoy NYE, not because I have had a bad year, I just think it is an overpriced evening to go out and get drunk, when lets be honest, I can do that from the comfort of my own home, with my wonderful Daniel and watch the London fireworks on TV. #winning

We have made plans with some of our parent friends to go for a “brisk”, and I mean “brisk” walk, then head to the pub for a few drinks while the kids play just to wish everyone a Happy New Year, then we will go home, order a takeaway, get our Jim Jams on, pop a bottle and see the New Year in with a bang (tut, all you dirty minded people)

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year, and I hope 2018 brings health and happiness to you and your families.

Lots of Love X