This is it. The countdown till Friday 8TH September. My beautiful baby boy’s first day at big school. My anxiety won this morning, i managed to shake it off by about lunch time. After a call with Dan, a chat with my friend Charli and a chat with my Mum it seemed to help.
I don’t want my anxiety to rub off on Kellan, so i had to try and curb it.
I have our home visit from his teacher tomorrow, i have been scrubbing the house top to bottom, not that it should matter, but i want her to see us on a good day, not a bad. Again, another anxiety weakness rearing it’s ugly head. I’m sure it will all go well.
When i get my baby dressed on Friday morning, brush his hair, wash his face and watch him brush his teeth my heart will be breaking, but bursting with pride at the same time. When i walk him up to the gate, with his little book bag in hand, while clasping onto his so tightly, my eyes will be brimming with tears, but a happy smile on my face. When I hand my innocent, just 4 year old over to his teacher, while struggling to let go, I will have a tight lump in my throat, but my mind whizzing with his happy memories. As i watch him walk away, my tears will fall, my lump will go, my mind will go blank and my tummy into knots, but my happy smile will still be there. It will still be there because i am so excited for his little journey, i am so proud of the little, polite, but sometimes cheeky boy he has become, but I am finding it hard to let him go, so please Miss, when you turn to wave us parents off please remember:
Their our babies, this is one of the hardest things we will have to do. Nursery is a choice, school isn’t. This is to shape their future, to turn them into the people they want to become.
If they fall, they will look for a cuddle and their booboo to be kissed, even if their is nothing there. I know you can’t do this to 30 odd children, but please be patient and kind with them.
When they get overwhelmed and unsure, they will come and stand behind mummy and daddy’s legs. Please remember this if our children cling to yours.
When the tiredness kicks in and they have their moments, please remember that mummy calms their whines, with a little treat and kiss.
I don’t feel like I have had him enough, just to myself. 4 years, 4 short years – this is the beginning of him letting go, becoming an independent little boy. 4 years just isn’t enough, I want to go back and start again. So please, enjoy every day with him.
I know you do this every year, but this year, you have my baby which i am finding very hard to digest. Truth is, he will be fine. I won’t. He can be a handful at times, he can be testing, but to me, his perfect. I hope he fills your day with smiles and laughs, because he loves to make people happy. I hope you get to see the best in him, and help his beautiful soul grow throughout the year. But please, please, be patient.
Love, a very un-easy, emotional, anxious, first time school mummy.