Kellan’s play session went well. I recognised a few people from the parents meeting last week. Didn’t really speak to any of them, like i mentioned, i get anxious and i felt happier to keep myself to myself and observe. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not unsociable or rude, i just struggle. I spoke to his teacher, sparked a bit of conversation of with a few of the mums but that was about it. Kellan was so excited and started by saying “mummy, i love my new school” I was happy but heartbroken at the same time. This has just made it all become real, that my gorgeous 9lb 0oz 8 day late, stubborn, beautiful, intelligent little baby is starting school.. and i really don’t want him to. He ran away from me, looked backed and smiled and run off to play. A little voice inside me said “this is it, this is the start of his independence. Each time he will run that little further and then one day, gradually let go” honestly, i wanted to crumble.
I felt comforted that he was happy there and he didn’t want to leave, i knew i had made the right choice. I remember it was such a hard decision, i really got myself in a state about it. Was i choosing the school that was right for us? or right for Kellan? We loved the school, well i loved the school. Dan didn’t get to come and view it, but it was how i spoke about it which made him love it aswell. All the worry and anxiety leading up to when i got that email. I was in Spain, i stayed up till 1am with god knows how many glasses of wine later waiting. We got his first choice, and we were really over the moon. It’s a lot of pressure knowing that this school and his education is going to make what sort of person our beautiful baby boy is going to be.
It also makes it hard knowing that he will literally have just turned 4 before he starts school.. his going to be the baby. He just looks to small for school. Sorry I’m turning into a bit of an emotional wreck, it just got a little bit too real for me today.
GaGa has taken him down the local pub to watch the motorbikes, Grayson has just gone down. Cone head is sitting with us in the living room and Dan is working. We are trying to eat healthy, so i just cooked us a nice bit of steak, roasted vegetables and sweet potato fries (not particularly healthy but trying to use everything up before shopping comes tomorrow) and an alcohol ban all week.. apart from the weekends, obviously.
I just can’t believe my baby starts school in September, where has he gone? where has the bloody time gone. It only feels like yesterday i was in labour for 36.5 hours, failing to dilate, kellan being back to back and stuck in my pelvis, then being whisked down for an emergency section by Dr Zam Zam (he was my hero) – then this beautiful, gunky, chunky, 9lb baby boy was given to dan. He was perfect. Now here we are, present day. I would do anything to go back to that moment again, i would go through my labour over and over again if i knew it would take me back to seeing his perfectly squished face for the first time.
You will always be my baby..
just to break my heart a little bit more..